Failure
by cherii tomato
Summary: Mikan had always expressed a strong distaste for smokers, claiming that they were 'sad people who just wanted to die a slow and painful death'. Maybe that was exactly what Natsume wanted, a slow and painful death.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

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**::Failure::

by

::Madame Awkward::

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Natsume stood in front of the public phone, staring at it. His mind was debating furiously on whether he should pick up the phone and make the call.

Taking a step forward, he laid his back against the wall and ran a hand through his soft hair and let out an exasperated groan. He wanted to call her, to hear her voice so badly, but whenever he wanted to pick up a phone and just call her, a thought will flash past his mind, every single time.

_You walked out on her._

Every time he thought about that, he will remember her, helplessly sitting on the floor, crying into her hands and begging him to stay. But Natsume just spared her a quick glance before walking out the door to their apartment and slamming it shut behind him.

That was a year ago, yet Natsume could still remember it as if it just happened yesterday. Natsume hated himself for doing that to Mikan, he hated himself for leaving her and he hated himself for choosing his job over the girl he fell in love with ten years ago, only to break her heart in just ten minutes.

He had thought that his plans would work out, and one day, Mikan would begin to understand him and forgive him for what he had done to her. He thought that his wits would get him somewhere, somewhere with a higher salary, but that time never came. Yet in the end, he achieved nothing. And because of a small outburst that happened earlier this morning, he had gotten himself fired.

Natsume loosened his tie and fished out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one up. He took a long drag from it and exhaled a puff of smoke. Natsume couldn't remember when he started smoking. Mikan had always expressed a strong distaste for them, claiming that they were 'sad people who just wanted to die a slow and painful death' Maybe that was exactly what Natsume wanted, a slow and painful death. He couldn't remember when he started to smoke. Maybe it was when his world came slowly crashing down.

Another drag, another puff of smoke, Natsume took out his cell phone and flipped it open, a photo of Mikan who was sitting at a café, her elbow was placed on the table and her chin was supported by her palm, she was lost in her thoughts and a small smile played on her lips. Natsume had taken the photo secretly when he found her in that calm and peaceful state. But that was two years ago, back when they were still a couple and madly in love.

The cigarette had gradually burned out and Natsume disposed of it at the trash can beside him.

_Pathetic_, he thought to himself. Ever since he walked out that door, his life had been pathetic. Heck, having no where else to live in, Natsume had to stay at a crappy motel where men and their hookers come and go. He knew he didn't deserve that. He was Natsume Hyuuga for god sake! The genius who achieved perfect scores in high school, the most popular boy in school, even his teachers worshipped him. What did he do to deserve this?

_Hurt the girl who loved you more than her own life._

The desire to hear her voice was getting stronger with every second, but the fear of what might happen if he actually made the call was stronger. Then again, fear had always triumphed and Natsume would always turn away and walked back to the motel without even touching the phone.

_Not this time._

Gathering up all his courage, Natsume took out a coin from his pocket and inserted it into the coin slot. He punched in the numbers expertly and waited as the phone rang.

It didn't take long, at the fifth ring, some picked up the phone.

"_Hello."_ A female voice was heard and Natsume felt his breath hitched in his chest. It was her. Natsume could picture her sitting at the sofa with the phone at her ear. Natsume could hear the sound from the TV in the background. _What is she watching?_ He wondered. And soon enough, other questions started to pop into his head. _How is she? Is she eating well?_ But the ultimate question was:

_Is she seeing someone else?_

"_Hello?_" Mikan repeated once more when no one answered. Natsume was about to answer but before he could even utter a single syllable, he heard a man's voice in the background.

"_Who's that, sweetie?_" Recognition hit him like a ton of bricks. Besides Mikan's, Natsume could recognize that voice _anywhere_.

_Ruka._

Mikan didn't reply Ruka's question. "Heeelooo." Mikan repeated again, dragging the vowels longer. Natsume heard footsteps thumping against the wooden floor in the living room. He imagined Ruka walking towards Mikan and sitting beside her, probably placing an arm around Mikan's waist. He shut his eyes tight, hoping to make the image disappear, yet it seemed to become clearer. Natsume even saw Ruka caressing every single part of Mikan, but it angered him even more when he imagined Mikan giggling, enjoying Ruka's touch.

Natsume slammed his phone down and his breath came out in pants. Hoping to release his anger, he slammed his fist into the wall again and again, until his fists were covered in blood. Finally, Natsume stopped punching. He slumped down and cried for the first time in a long while.

When Natsume stepped outside of the building, it was raining heavily but Natsume didn't care. He stepped out into the rain and let the raindrops poured onto him. The rain slowly washed away the blood on his hand, but it couldn't wash away the pain that Natsume was feeling inside.

Tilting his head up, Natsume tried to look at the rain, though it was rather impossible as he kept closing his eyes instinctively when the rain dropped onto his eye.

Natsume looked away and saw that many passerbys were looking at him, as if he was a freak. But he didn't care. He didn't care about what others think anymore as the person whose opinion could really affect him, was out of his reach.

Mikan had moved on, that was a fact, and Natsume knew he could do nothing to save the relationship they once had. It was all a history now. Was it time for him to move on also? Truth be told, he didn't know. Natsume could no longer see the future, it was all a blur.

"Where will you go now?" He remembered his teacher had once asked him that a few days before he graduated from high school. He remembered ignoring that question but thought that he would graduate from college and get a nice job before taking Mikan as his wife and create a happy little family with her. But now, it was all lost.

Natsume stared at the ground. The rain continued to beat on him mercilessly. He knew he couldn't move on, not with Mikan still living in his heart. Though he knew she no longer belonged to him, Natsume couldn't help but want to ask:

_Do you think of me when I'm thinking of you, polka?_

With that thought, Natsume let out a loud scream into the air, shocking the living daylights out of everyone around him. Bird flapped away rapidly at the shocking sound they've heard._  
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In a small apartment, Mikan frowned as she stared into the phone. She had just received a call where the caller didn't even respond. _Maybe it was the wrong number_, she thought to herself as she replaced the phone onto its cradle. Ruka's arms were around her and he was taking in the scent of her hair.

"Sweetheart, let's go out for dinner tonight, alright?"

Mikan was just about to say yes when she heard a scream. Or at least, she thought she did. her whole body tensed up but Ruka failed to notice this subtle change.

"Ruka, did you hear that?" Mikan asked. But Ruka's face was only displaying the look of confusion. "Hear what, sweetie?"

The sound she heard was faraway, and she wasn't exactly sure if it was real or just her imagination. Forcing a smile, she faced Ruka. "Nothing, I just thought I heard something. Yes, let's go out for dinner tonight." Ruka showed his dazzling grin before hugging Mikan closer to him and placed a soft peck on her cheek. "I'll go make the reservations." He whispered before sliding his arms away from and walked to the room to get his cell phone.

Mikan hadn't heard his last sentence. Her mind was too busy trying to figure out what happened just now. _Was it really my imagination? It didn't sound like it._

To her, there was something familiar about the scream she heard. The image of a pair of crimson eyes drifted into her mind.

"It couldn't be," Mikan mumbled to herself. In her heart, she could fell the dull throb on it from the scar she was given a year ago. A hand shot up to clutch her chest, ruffling the blue t-shirt she had on that was supposed to be crease-free. But familiarity was getting stronger by the second. Her head turned to stare out of the stained glass window that was made by her and a certain boy who broke her heart. It was the only thing that was related to him that she couldn't bear to throw away. "It couldn't be him..."

"...could it?

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Whokay.

The ending is sloppy, I know.

But I just wanted to finish this today and it's getting pretty late.

Anyway, leave a comment please.

**Review?**

**V**

**V**


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